THE FORGOTTENS

I've lived in several places throughout my childhood. Being an Army brat has that effect. Yet I've always called Chicago home ever since I could talk! Never mind that between the ages of 3 & 10, I did not even live in the Chicagoland area let alone the city limits. To me, those places I lived was never home the way the Chicago area is. Every chance we got, we went home to see family and friends. Not just my family in Country Club Hills, but everybody! I would be out of school for a month at a time to zigzag across the area. Whether it was going back to visit my aunt on 82nd & Elizabeth, my friends on the North Side, or get my haircut at Cliff's barbershop in Harvey, I knew that this was my home! So imagine my surprise when I moved to Country Club Hills full-time in 5th grade only to be ostracized as an outsider! I had trouble fitting in as I grew up because my military experiences did not mirror the experiences of my Chicago contemporaries. 

Over time, the Chi way of life became ingrained in my personality and psyche. I had the accent down, the music, the chip on my shoulder, I even had that "wait till next year" Chicago sports fan mentality. What I didn't have was a Chicago zip code! Me claiming the Chi didn't sit well with guys that actually lived in the city. You ain't from the city, you from the suburbs! You bougie! You out there with the white people, we over here in the hood! It was as if being in a poverty-stricken neighborhood in the inner city was the only way to equate the Black experience with being reality. Never mind that I was born in Chicago, lived there for 4 years, still had family that lived there, and was only 15 miles from the city at most! It doesn't matter; being suburban was almost an affront on your racial identity. As if my experiences with being black paled in comparison to theirs. Forgotten in this is that blatant racism that still exists simply because of my skin color (that never goes away no matter who you are. Ask President Obama). This was exemplified by the massive white flight that took place in the south suburbs in the 80's & 90's. By the time I had moved back to Country Club Hills, the perception of the neighborhood had completely changed. Now the entire south suburban region was seen as just an extension of the south side. It became a running joke about which suburbs to avoid at night. Save for a few neighboring towns to the east (Tinley Park comes to mind), the entire south suburbs is held in no better regard than Englewood, Roseland, Chatam, & South Shore.

That is the general perception if they're even noticed at all! I found this out once I got to college. Some of the kids were from different states or hailed from countries ranging from Great Britain to Bahrain (my freshman roommate). The majority were from Illinois. While some kids were from towns I had never heard of like Taylorville or Rock Island, most were from the Chicago Area. When I would mention where I was from, a puzzled look would come over their face. Even after I said it was in Cook county, they still had no idea where I was from. Kids from the city naturally laughed "you from the 'burbs". It was a relief when I'd encounter someone that was from Flossmoor, Oak Forest, or Matteson! Finally, someone that knows where I'm from! We're not just a nondescript spot on the map. Others spouted racists remarks when they found out. "you're from Country Club Hills? that's the ghetto! We try to avoid going there. You don't seem like you would be from there!" Right, as if every black person has to either act like Tupac or Carlton Banks. What stood out more than anything is how easy my home area is ignored. It is ignored politically, socially, and economically. I use to brush off complaints from small town residents being ignored as them over reacting. Now I understand why they do it. No matter where you are from, if you are ignored politically, you are part of a disenfranchised group. How are the south suburbs of Chicago any different from a small town in Tennessee?  

I'm proud to claim Country Club Hills as my hometown, 708 as my area code, and to be a subsidiary of the great city of Chicago! People from my town have a voice that should not be dismissed simply because of political corruption! Too many examples exists of this happening throughout our country. If they can forget about a region of over 200,000 people that easily, it's no wonder they can forget about the other marginalized groups!

DOUBLE STANDARDS

Should men be ridiculed for the standards they have for an ideal mate if women have similarly outlandish standards of their own? Don't get me wrong, I'm far from a chauvinist; I just feel that men sometimes are held to such a dated, unreasonable standard of excellence that must be met that I see good guys being ignored for this glorified idea of what a real man should be. While the traditional standards of what a man should embody are common sense, it is the physical/superficial ideologies of many women that don't get enough ridicule. I believe a man should have of the following attributes: be willing to hold himself accountable for his actions, be a gentleman (chivalry is not dead ladies), be a hard worker that strives to improve, and show toughness and resolve in the face of adversity. Ladies, if your man has all of these attributes, he's a keeper! Keep him, by all means keep him! Sure he may be a little overweight, sure he may only make $35,000 as oppose to $100,000, he may even be shorter than you (God forbid!). You choose your mate to be with you till death do you part, not till you find the guy with the best bank account.

I'll admit that men have some outlandish standards of our own. Often times we expect our women to work, cook, clean, raise the kids, and give us head every night on command. We expect this while also demanding that they stay in shape, let me watch the NBA without interruption, blow up my ego, and let me have my guys nights and man caves. Did I mention you gotta pop out junior for us too? Seems pretty unreasonable right ladies? Well isn't it rather unreasonable to demand that your mate be at minimum 6'2 when the average height for a man in America is under 5'10 (for the record my official height is 6'3 1/4)?  Isn't it unrealistic to expect a man fresh out of college to have a $75,000/yr job? How can you want a muscle bound Adonis yet complain about guys being too skinny and wanting something to grab on to? Why we going shopping? That's what you have girlfriends and your mom for! Women expect us to work long hours yet be home on command, be tall yet complain when they have to get on their toes to kiss us, give them sex on their time only, do every single do-it-yourself/yard project and chore, defend your honor, and tolerate your parents. All while staying in shape to keep your attention (not too much though cuz you might think I'm trying to holla at the cute secretary at my job right?) and earning six-figures. Talk about unreasonable!!!

In all seriousness, we let what the media and society tell us is pretty or best for us dictate our lives far too much. I'm not saying to not have any standards or that you can't be attracted to what you are attracted to physically. But be willing to understand that love conquers all. What happens when that guy that had all the money suddenly loses his wealth? What happens when your wife gains a little weight or starts to show her age? It should be about love and affection, and I don't mean the kine Future and Rhianna are talking about. The physical may have been what brought us together, but only seeking out your soul mate will bring true love and happiness.